Updates

So, its been a few days since I updated. Things are going. We went down to the VA today for the psych appt and ended up getting in to see B's regular doctor too. He was offically diagonsed with PTSD. We knew thats what was mostly wrong, but its nice to have the diagonses. He will be getting more appointments for alcohol abuse, the PTSD, and job counseling. So, that was a good part of today. It was interesting taking the toddler. Unfortunitly, this meant no nap. But, Miss Roo did awesome. She finally broke down after about 4 hours while we were waiting for B's prescriptions. I took her to the car and we watched Dora. Then we drove around for a little bit and tried to get stuck in the 2 feet of snow.

Oh, yeah. We are still fighting with record amounts of snow we got Wednesday morning. At our house, we got about 25 inches. Its crazy. Our Dixie Dog can hardly be seen in the snow. She doesn't really like it. However, Baylee, our yellow lab, thinks it is the coolest thing ever. It is so much fun to watch them play in it. I got some excersise digging out the car so we could get to the VA today. It took about 20 minutes. But the car does awesome. We had no issues, but we drove pretty slow and steady.

Another great thing that has happened since the last time I updated. I won a diaper from Joana Weber, the Doopsy lady. So excited! I have never won a diaper and I think these ones will be great for the new baby. I also got some covers I bought off Fluff Swappers. They were from a lady in Canada. Some Blueberry OS covers. I had bought 2 from her, because I didn't really have the money for all three. When I opened them, there were 3. So I emailed her to see what happened, and told her I would pay for the extra one. She said, no, she just put it in there for me. So sweet. Really made my day today. And the covers look like they are in great shape. Good neutral colors and they have double gussets. Can't wait to use them tomorrow.

Oh, one last thing and I better go to bed. B had a job interview the other night! Just a phone one, but they said someone would be in touch. It was with an armored car company. And our friend text him tonight and said he may have a temporary job building fences. But it pays cash. So, it would be okay. I wish his back would be better before he started that physical labor, but we will do what we gotta do.

I want to take a minute to thank God for everything. Yes, this is going to be rough, but He has already shown us that things will be okay. We are working on a better relationship with each other and as a family.

Second week

Well, some good news yesterday. B met with a friend, who is going to help him some different parts of his life, including his resume. He was given homework, which included reading his bible and talking to me. He also met with a pastor friend, who prayed with him. He said it was the most positive day he had had in a long time. He also got a call last in the evening, which turned out to be a job interview. Just a phone one, but still. It was awesome.

Its still rough, trying to go day to day. But we are figuring out what has to change, what we can do without. We have decided that B will wait out the internal, and hopefully he can go to them, and resign after. That way he keeps his credentials and if the charge is dropped, he can possibly go back into law enforcement if he so wishes.

I am still trying to find the good in everything. Like last night Roo had a fever, so she could not go to daycare today. Thankfully, B had to be home anyway, so I didn't have to use sick time or take unpaid time. That was a very good thing. Also, trying to remember funny things that happened that night, like asking one of the officers to pick our Dixie dog up so M could get her dog out to the car. Or handing that officer my gun that I keep in my dresser and his eyes getting huge, because he expected a small gun and I handed him a .45 caliber 1911.

So, we are making it. Big changes are in store for us, but that isn't nessessarily a bad thing. Keep praying and look to God. He will provide us with what we need.

"We never know how strong we are, until strong is the only choice we have"-Unknown

First Weekend

So, this is rough. I don't even know where to start with it. Its probably going to take me some time to write everything out, but I need to do it. Friday night, B decided to drink rum. A lot of it. This isn't terribly unusual, but around 11 pm, he came in to tell me he was going to meet someone to get something for his back. I tried to keep him home, but physically, I couldn't. So he left. I began to text him to make sure he made it. He said he did, and was waiting on something. So I waited some more. I then started texting him again. No answer. Luckily I had the number to the guy he was meeting and I called him. He said they were at a bar and he would send him home. I gave it a little longer and tried B again. No answer. So I called the guy again and heard screaming when he picked up. He finally was able to talk and said B took off walking. Well, we had gotten about a foot of snow and it was in the lower 20's. So, I called my friend M and she came in to help me since B had the car. On her way, she swung through the last area we knew he was in. We were on the phone and she said I see police lights. I knew then it was bad. She hung up with me for about 15 minutes and called back. First thing she said was "He's okay". Long story short, he decided to lay in the middle of the road and a car sweaved to avoid hitting him. The police were called and when they arrived, he got somewhat physical with them. They had to arrest him. I guess I should mention he is a deputy sheriff in our county. So, I get a call from the sargent on duty, who is a friend and former co-worker, and he explains whats happening and what they are trying to prevent. I tell Sgt P that I understand, just keep me updated.

Around 3:30 or so, they brought him home. They thought they could release him to me, as he was somewhat more sober and a little calmer. Sgt. P explained he was not overly comfortable, but would stay until he either fell asleep or we could get him to the VA Pysch unit. I went into the bedroom to try to talk to him and he was out of his mind. After a short time alone with him, Sgt P and the other officer came into the bedroom and asked me to leave. They spoke with him for a while, and the other officer came out and said that they were all going for a ride to see if things could be calmed down. Then Sgt P came out and said, I will arrest him again if I have to. I told him again that I understood. They left. About an hour later, I text Sgt P. He said they were almost to the VA. He called me a short time later and said that B had asked for help and said he wanted to go. I thanked them again.

B called around 7 am and said he was in the Pysch unit and didn't really know why. He said the officers had just left him. He still sounded pretty drunk. I said, just stay there, see what they say. We hung up. He called again around 9, and sounded a lot more sober, but scared. Things were starting to set in for him. I told him I needed to shower and do a few things, then I would be on my way. I had decided that if he wasn't agreeing to treatment or seemed like a danger to himself, he was staying there. I got down there about noon and he was okay. Upset, but mostly sobered up and realizing what he had done and what it meant.

So, we met with the doctor and she explained a little about what was going to happen. She asked me some questions about things that were going on, and what my concerns were. I told her that he needed help and we couldn't fall through the cracks again. She said she was the head of the department and that would not happen. She explained what meds she was prescibing and how they probably were not a permanent solution, but would do until he saw the additional doctors. I told her I wasn't concerned about him coming home, as long as he got follow up treatment. I felt better about things when we left the hospital.

We met later on that evening with his Sgt. He is now on paid suspendion, pending an internal investigation. The only way now that he will keep his job is if he can claim it was related to mental illness, which it is. We just won't know until the internal is done.

I spoke with B a little bit ago. He has psych appointments Wednesday, which is great. He is meeting with a good friend soon to get some advice, which is also good. There are good things coming out of this, I just couldn't see them before. He is going to get help for the PTSD and alcohol, which is a big positive. He is realizing things have to change, which is good. I am really doing my best to be postive.

Day 3

Well, I was stuck at home again today. But, it was a good thing, cause the snow started about 10 am and hasn't stopped. So, if I would have gone to work, I would have had to turn right around and come back. And, we were able to get our taxes done. We didn't get as much as we had hoped, but pretty good considering my tax stuff at work was filled out wrong and nothing was taken out. So, not complaining at all.

We have probably gotten about 6 inches of snow today. That may be the most in several decades for this area. And its still falling. The roads were not too bad earlier when we got out, but I guess they are getting worse the later it gets. Glad I am home in my nice cozy house, with DH cooking us dinner.

All in all, another pretty good day. Big plans for tomorrow include trying to get milk. Oh yeah, its an exciting life.

Day 2

Today was day 2 of the M & P's happiness challenge. It was a pretty darn good day. Spent it with DH and Miss Roo again, because the office was closed again. On the plus side of the office being closed, found out that all county offices were closed, so I got paid to stay home! Yay me! But, tomorrow the court house is supposed to be open, so no pay, but I have a sick day I can use. Plus, I just sold a Mommy Necklace to a marine wife, so that is extra money. And I am still not spending money on gas, so thats great.

We had pizza for dinner, which rocks this preggo's world. All in all, a pretty nice day. The sun was out, spent the day with my family, which we never get enough time for. Watched some movies with Hubs, so that was nice. Just a good, uplifting day.

Mami and Papi's Love and Happiness challenge

So, this month the challenge over at Mami's and Papi's is to find happiness in everything. Basically, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade and have a party, don't sit and sulk. I am absolutly going to try my best to be most positive with everything. Included in this challenge is a diary. Well, part of my own personal challenge is to use this blog as my diary. I have not been the best about updating, so that is something I am going to work on.

First thing to be uplifting myself about-an unpaid snow day. Okay, yeah, no pay. But, I am not spending money on gas or to buy lunch. And I get to spend a whole day with Miss Roo. We had blueberry pancakes for breakfast, which I never have time to make during the week. My BFF is coming over for dinner, which again I don't have time to make during the week. And we are nice and toasty warm in the house, not freezing out in the 5 degree weather. So, upaid snow day is a good thing. And B got a little extra for working yesterday because of the snow. Oh, and I sold some trainers that don't fit Miss Roo. And a Mai Tai. So really, almost made enough today to cover it. Yay for snow days!

I am going to try to update every day with the good things that happened. Try to keep me honest! God Bless you all.

Still not updating like I should . . .

So, as you might have noticed, I am not updating like I should. No real excuses, as our internet at home is fixed, I just can't get motivated to get it done. Its crazy working 40 hrs a week, commuting another 10, and trying to chase a toddler. And guess what? We are going to be adding to the mix next July! I am so excited, but scared. We haven't told anyone yet. I go to the doctor tomorrow to start with the prenatal stuff, and we have a shirt for Roo that says "I'm going to be a big sister". We are going to have her wear it into the B's parents house Wednesday night when we go down. I think I am going to text a pic of it to my mom and sister after my appt tomorrow. We will see. So far, no real sickness. Some things are totally grossing me out, just like last time. And my boobs are killing me. They seem huge too, just like with Roo. I am really hoping for another girl, since I have 9807 pcs of girls clothes. One thing I am super excited about is cloth diapering a newborn. I started with Roo when she was about 14 months, so I never got to snap down the rises, or deal with BF poo. I just hope between now and then I can convince B that it is a good idea. I added it up yesterday and in just the first 6 months, we could save at least $300. I think I am going to tell him if we can do this, we can save that money for a horse trailer. Or a saddle. That may convince him.

Anyways, don't tell my family! Its a secret until tomorrow! I will update after the holidays to let you all know how it went.